No Shame In Pain
No Shame In Pain
I experienced a tremendous amount of pain when I was very young, I got abandoned by my family. At the end of my childhood my dad died. I witnessed too much, I managed to save a part of myself before the end, but it haunts me still to this day, because I was there through it all, to the very end, trying to save my dad. But I was still a child, a child that lost her dad when she was 18. I still have night terrors, I had no one to save me or aid me at the time, I was all alone through it all, going through things I never should have. After I lost everything, I got shamed for having pain by my own family. To them I could not say my own fathers name, Finn. Their silence was suffocating, they wanted to bury everything about him, and so something in me died also. I tried to push the truth forward, but no one would listen. The trauma and pain was not to be talked about.
I got shamed by other people who were strangers to me. They did not truly know me or where I came from, but still they wanted me to stay silent about my pain. They wanted me to hold it down like a secret I needed to devour. This was brutal, and it resulted in a growing pain. But not just pain, anger also! I did not forget the ones who tried to oppress me and what I was going through. I can’t believe everyone tried to hush everything down, like it was nothing. I wish I could have said these words to my dad at the time. But now I have come here to tell all of you who are willing to listen, who need to hear these words; you should never be ashamed of your pain. If the pain runs deep, it’s because it is your truth and you need to let it out, no matter what others try to tell you. Because there is no shame in pain!
I spent years struggling to find my way, my road to follow. I think we all have to walk our own road alone. This is how we find our own light at the end of the tunnel. You can have people by your side, lifting you up when you are low. But in the end, you need to walk the steps alone. We all need to face our own darkness and find that hidden gold that lies within us deep below. This means facing your monsters head on, it will not be easy, it will take tremendous courage, plenty of tears, heartache and gut wrenching pain, but in the end I promise you, you will find yourself. You will be able to see who you are, where you come from, what made you dark and beautiful. This way, on this road, step by step you pick up the little pieces of yourself, those you lost along the way. Some pieces will remain lost, because of life, because of other people.
It is easy to deny your truth, to bury the truth. We use masks of disguise because we do not understand, and because we are too afraid. We hide ourselves from ourselves, we leave something undone and vulnerable in the shadows. Those who do not dare to face their own darkness, they will be bound by darkness. We easily hide our pain, because we can’t deal with it. I have done this for so long. It takes tremendous courage to face your monsters, face your fears, your angst, your pain. It means you have to fight yourself, everyday, for a long time, and sometimes fight others too. Being honest takes all of you, it drains you, but it is also the thing that fills you later on, that makes you hold on to that fight, that fire within. Don’t ever let that fire burn out. You are worth the fight. The truth is worth the fight. The moment you stop fighting is the moment you start dying!
Your pain is a reminder and a testimony that you have fought and that you are still breathing.
Come with me on an odyssey through darkness, where we will face our truth, and roar like we’ve been torn - From victim to victor!
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