GHOST
GHOST
‘’GHOST’’ is about hiding, suffering from anxiety.
As a child I was rarely seen or heard. This continued into my teenage years and beyond. I always felt like a ghost, in some way I continued to make myself a ghost, because if I was not seen or heard neither could I be rejected. After I graduated from middle school, I started high school, but because of all the bullying I had gone through before I got there, bad behaviour was all I knew. So to try and cope with everything, I used to hide, it was very subconscious, I didn’t make an active choice to do so, I just did, like an instinct. Because being seen and heard in elementary and middle school had only gotten me bullied, so now in high school I just hid, because I was tired of the way I had been treated. I was so afraid that I almost never even went outside the school classroom, I did my homework during the breaks and ate my lunch there too. When school was finally over, I ususally went back home, to my room. My safe space.
I developed a heavy social anxiety, and I thought everybody could see through me and how broken I actually was. I thought everybody would treat me wrong, because so many others had in my past. Some good people tried to get me to come outside the school, but I rarely came, because I felt so unsafe. This ghostly existence and behavior protected me in some way, but also handicapped me in another. I didn’t get bullied in high school, which was a relief, I no longer needed to protect myself in that regard, but my existence became incredibly lonely. I didn’t trust people, so neither did I let them in, because I knew what it felt like to be abandoned. I was safest with myself. But in knowing this, I have always tried to see and hear others as best as I can, because I know how it feels like to be all alone and longing for kindness and something real.
In all human beings there exists a need to be acknowledged, we need to be seen to know that we matter. As children we see ourselves through other peoples eyes, we can’t yet fully see ourselves. Our self image is molded by others, by parents, by teachers, by fellow students. My self image was molded in a very painful way, my eyes got mislead for so long. Today my eyes are more open, I can now see the pain inflicted upon me as a child and young adult more clearly. My eyes see something different now, but it took a long time not to see what other people had made me see all these years.
If you have felt like a ghost for so long, it is now time you feel like a rose. Remember to see and listen to yourself, and realize that you are the one you have been waiting for!
Everybody wants to send out their own light and say to the world: Here I am! It is important to see and listen whenever you have the opportunity. It can mean everything! Always choose to see!
‘’Come with me on a journey through darkness, where we will face our truth, and roar like we’ve been torn - From victim to victor!’’
It is time you...
‘’See Your Gold’’
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