No Shame In Pain
No Shame In Pain
I experienced a tremendous amount of pain when I was very young, I got abandoned by my family. At the end of my childhood my dad died. I witnessed too much, I managed to save a part of myself before the end, but it haunts me still to this day, because I was there almost through it all, to the end, trying to save my dad. But I was still a child, a child that lost her dad when she was 18. I still have night terrors, I had no one to save me or aid me at the time, I was all alone through it all, going through things I never should have. After I lost everything, I got shamed for having pain by my own family. To them I could not say my own fathers name, their silence was suffocating, they wanted to bury everything about him, and so something in me died also. I tried to push the truth forward, but no one would listen. The trauma and pain was not to be talked about.
I also got shamed by other people who were strangers to me. They did not truly know me or where I came from, but still they wanted me to stay silent about my pain. They wanted me to hold it down like a secret I needed to devour. This was brutal, and it resulted in a growing pain. But not just pain, anger also! I did not forget the ones who tried to suppress me and what I was going through. I can’t believe my own family shamed me, they tried to hush everything down, like it was nothing. I wish I could have said this to my dad at the time. But now I have come here to tell all of you who are willing to listen, who need to hear these words; you should never be ashamed of your pain. If the pain runs deep, it is because it is your truth and you need to let it out, no matter what others try to tell you. Because there is no shame in pain!
I spent a lot of years struggling to find my way, my path to follow. I think we all have to walk our own path alone. This is how we find our own light at the end of the tunnel. You can have people by your side, lifting you up when you are low. But in the end, you need to walk the steps alone. We all need to face our own darkness and find that hidden gold that lies within us deep below. This means facing your monsters head on, it will not be easy, it will take tremendous courage, plenty of tears, heartache and gut wrenching pain, but in the end I promise you, you will find yourself. You will be able to see who you are, where you come from, what made you dark and beautiful. You will be able to work on yourself in a healing way, walk with every piece of yourself, not half empty, with pieces scattered everywhere. This way, on this path, step by step you pick up the little pieces of yourself. Some of the pieces you lost along the way. Because of life, because of other people and sometimes because of yourself. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We continue to beat ourselves up, even after the bullies are done with us.
It is easy to deny your truth, to bury the truth. This is something we do to fit into society, into groups. But in doing this we become more and more disconnected to ourselves and to who we are as an individual. This is something that is called conformity, we are social beings so every human being has an urge to fit it, to not stand out, it has been this way for thousands of years to keep ourselves alive. Freedom of speech is something that has come later on, integrated in our constitution in this modern world. People have fought wars for the right to be different, for the right to speak truth. But today it is like we sometimes forget what that is, everything, the very notion of freedom is getting trampled upon. Why is it so hard to be different? Why do we have the urge to fit in? We use masks of disguise because we do not understand, and because we are too afraid. We hide ourselves from ourselves, we leave something undone and vulnerable in the shadows, spreading salt instead of love. Those who do not dare to face their own darkness, they will be bound by darkness. We easily hide our pain, because we can’t deal with it. I have done this many times. It takes tremendous courage to face your monsters, face your fears, your angst, your pain. It means you have to fight yourself, everyday, for a long time, and sometimes fight others too. Being honest takes all of you, it drains you, but it is also the thing that fills you later on, that makes you hold on to that fight, that fire within. Don’t ever let that fire burn out. You are worth the fight. The truth is worth the fight. You will become less frightened, less sensitive, more strong, more courageous, but it will take some time and hard work to get there. The moment you stop fighting is the moment you start dying!
It has taken a lot of courage to see my gold hidden within darkness, everytime I sing and talk about my songs, I speak my truth and the truth of many others who can relate to my pain. Recently my second single got out on all the musical platforms: ‘’No Shame In Pain’’, which is a raw and real song close to my heart, a follow up to my debut single ‘’Shame’’. ‘’No Shame In Pain’’ is about acknowledging that your pain within is nothing to feel ashamed about. Others may try to shame you, but know that your truth is your gold, everytime you dig a little deeper into that darkness that lies below, you will see your gold that has been hidden beneath all that pain. Your pain is a reminder and a testimony that you have fought and that you are still breathing. You must never love yourself despite your pain, but always love yourself because of it!
Most of all I want to help others through my music, I want to create a more conscious awareness of the dark sides of life.
Remember to never give up the fight. Love & Respect yourself! Become your own true King and Queen! So I say to you:
‘’Come with me on a journey through darkness, where we will face our truth, and roar like we’ve been torn - From victim to victor!’’
© 2024 Queen of Sol. All rights reserved.
